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I think I have drifted into a numb mode. I am neither happy nor really sad. The underlying sadness is like a petticoat that I never take off – no matter what I wear from a smile to a frown, a dress to a coat, the sense of the loss of Clive remains.

I had a pleasant Monday. We all had slept well at the cottage and Mum, Dad, Dom and I had all got on well – of course! We had breakfast and my parents packed up. I chatted to an old friend of Clive’s who had only heard the news of his death last week. We are going to meet up as there is something he wants to discuss with me.

The weather remained overcast so we chose to watch another DVD – this time Waking Ned, about a lottery win. I must be getting easier to handle death and dying on films as this one made me laugh!

I made us a snack for lunch then we went into Bridlington. First we drove to South beach.

I wanted to show them where Clive, Peeka and I had spent some Sunday mornings walking along the sand. We loved those times. We’d often put the world to rights. I loved to see how much he adored Peeka. Equally he’d wrap those big arms around me to protect me from the wind – or was it just an excuse to hold me, cuddle me and kiss me?

They were always ‘phone free’ times when we’d escape from everything else. I thought I’d cry returning today but I didn’t. Perhaps if we’d had time to walk on the sand I would.

Instead we headed for the railway station with its stunning array of flowers.

Brendan, Dom’s cousin, had got the train from Bicester to spend some time with us. It was good to see him again. He has just finished his GCSEs. They have grown up together playing in hotels and apartments across the world, mainly thanks to their grandparents. I love to have them together.

We gave him a quick seaview at North Landing. The boys are now so tall!

Back at the cottage Mum, Dad and their grandsons played a favourite game of Rummy whilst I blogged. What a banter went on!

We had searched for ‘best fish and chip’ shop in Bridlington online and discovered that the UK’s number 1 was five minutes away from us!  Fish and chips at 149.

We ate our supper up by Sewerby picnic area surrounded by seagulls. After a final ice cream Mum and Dad left us – they were looking after Sophie the next few days.

The boys and I watched Hancock – a film I’d seen at the pictures with Clive.

I was stuffed! This last week I have been greedy. As a result I feel bloated and uncomfortable. I had become complacent after losing weight after Clive but it’s creeping back.

It seemed strange then without my parents. Life is full of farewells. It was good to share this with them.Over the years they have shared their holiday accommodation with us – ‘giving back’ always feels good!

What can you count as ‘giving back’ to someone?

Elaine x

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