My Blog

My Mum often advises ‘worry WHEN things happen’ because so often situations can change by the minute and one plan is completely replaced by another.  Although I wasn’t worried about anything yesterday, my expectations for the next 12 hours took an unexpected turn.

I was preparing an evening meal for my brother, partner and I with the aim to dine, watch television and have a leisurely start to the week…. then the call came from BBC Breakfast  to ask if I would appear on the programme this morning! My mind raced to the logistics – how would I get to London from Cheshire so soon? That was easily solved – the programme is now broadcast from Salford so they could send a car for me.

They were to cover a report by the Mental Health Policy Group from the London School of Economics (LSE)  which had concluded that the NHS is failing people suffering from mental illness. The Care Services Minister Paul Burstow  would also be interviewed via link to Westminster. The BBC wanted someone to represent patients. The BBC researcher asked me a few questions about my story and told me she would ring back in 20 minutes.

The roast dinner had become immaterial! In the past I have had calls from the media and know that sometimes after the initial call, the appearance may not happen. So to protect myself from disappointment I began the negative talk as the minutes passed – ‘oh, they have found someone else’, ‘oh, they won’t want me’. Even if the answer was no, simply to have been asked was great!

Just as I served the meal, almost 90 minutes later, the call came through. Yes – I was to be on BBC Breakfast on BBC One at 7.10 a.m. to tell my personal story of postnatal illness and comment on the report! By the time the call ended the men had finished eating and I was too excited to taste my meal!

I rang my son Dominic and checked that he was happy for me to mention him – as he is now 16, I am particularly sensitive that I do not do anything he may be embarrassed by. I got full permission! Hearing his enthusiasm for it was magnificent.

Now ladies, if you had a call 12 hours before you were due to be in front of 7 million people, what would your next thought be? What to wear?! As luck (and a little pre-planning) would have it, I had been on a clothes shopping spree last week ahead of a presentation to health professionals in London on Tuesday.  I had found a dress and a top. The new dress was still hanging in the wardrobe. Fantastic!

I read the full report and thought about the key points I wanted to put across. I can occasionally say too much (really?!!) so it is a challenge to cut down to the core of my messages. I knew I wanted to stress about fear and stigma of mental ill health and also to sow seeds of hope.

The alarm was set for 5.15 a.m. I had a camomile tea and the light was turned off by 11 a.m. I saw every hour! When my book ‘Eyes without Sparkle – a journey through postnatal illness’  was published in 2005, I was on BBC Breakfast as well. I met Boris Becker and the actor Jim Broadbent   in the Green Room.  I was thrilled when Jim said he had read about me in the Sunday Observer!    Boris Becker had taken a stack of cups to have one sip of juice just as I wanted a drink. He then threw the whole lot in the bin and I remained thirsty! As I first spoke on ‘the couch’, my mouth was parched and my tongue stuck to my teeth!  All I could think was to curse Boris!

On that occasion Dermot Murnaghan   and Natasha Kaplinskywere the presenters. As I sat down they shook my hand and Dermot acknowledged that it was my first time on television. I agreed and he suggested that I should pretend I was on their sofa at home and NOT to think of the fact that 6 million people were watching and it was live!!!

When the alarm sounded at 5.15 a.m. this morning, my emotions were mixed.   I felt nervous yet also excited. The main reason that I continue to write, speak and present on mental illness is to make a difference to those who are currently affected, increase awareness and to improve services. When I was poorly, I would watch daytime television feeling that I was in a black hole. That life was so difficult….that I was a failure and a burden.  If I can give just one person (out of the now 7 million viewers) a tiny glimmer of hope, then that is what I shall do.

I showered, dressed and was relieved that hair and make-up would be done at the studio.  It was great to have my partner with me to share the experience and for support. If Dom hadn’t been doing two GCSE’s today I would have asked him, as he is so interested in filming and photography.

Once at the swish new Media City in Salford, I was whisked into make-up. What a luxury! I ensured I drank plenty of water –  after the Boris Becker experience!  I couldn’t eat a thing.

News came through that the report would be ten minutes later due to the MP being in transit from another studio.

I had the microphone put on and was thrilled by the compliments about my dress. I saw a guest at my friend Jenny’s wedding recently wearing it and spotted it in Warehouse  for those who want to know!

I was led through to the small studio and within minutes sat on the sofa! Almost immediately the report was introduced and I was asked about my story.  It feels quite surreal that at that moment so many people are going about their morning – waking up; cup of tea in bed; plaiting their child’s hair (as one Mum has since told me). You are privileged to be a face and voice suddenly into ‘their’ space.

I covered my main points and then Paul Burstow spoke of the fact that although nearly half of all ill health suffered by people in Britain is mental illness, only 13% of the NHS expenditure is allocated to it. I was delighted that he agreed with my comments and also his call to action for improvements.  I hope that it is not merely rhetoric and that progress IS made.

I was pleased to have the opportunity to get the last word in! I summed up with a message to those who are suffering from mental ill health – that it isn’t their fault, they are not alone and they can get better.

With that my 10 minute slot was over. I was thanked by the team, told that they would love to have me back again and within minutes, we were returning on the M62 heading home!

It felt very strange to be then back on my own sofa watching the programme carrying on!

Here is the clip from the programme.

I have been overwhelmed by the messages I have received from many people. I very much appreciate all your kind comments. Yes, of course, I enjoy doing such events for the excitement, yet the most important reason remains – did I give a glimmer of hope to someone out there?

I sincerely hope so.

Elaine

http://www.greatvine.com/elaine-hanzak