My Blog

The headlines earlier this week about ‘ A mother who had post-natal depression when she killed her baby daughter in an “explosion of violence” has been given a three-year supervision order’, will create comment and judgements from many.

Read the full story here http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-24908037

No doubt there will be some people who condemn the actions and outcome of this trial. Of course I do not condone what this new mother did. I can understand it though as I came so close to a similar thing when my son was an infant.

What I do see are the actions of a sleep deprived mother who was given the diagnosis of postnatal depression.  She took the step of telling her GP who gave her anti-depressants. This was good in that she was believed and ‘treatment’ offered. She chose not to take the tablets. Shame and stigma of herself and her family had a role to play too, according to the reports.

Medication can be useful in some cases. What is needed though is a more holistic approach. When you are so low and exhausted, being given a prescription is not an immediate answer as even if you do take them, it can be a while before they take effect. Hindsight is a wonderful thing – where was the practical support that might have prevented this tragedy? Perhaps it was offered by her family and she refused to accept it due to that awful feeling that she was failing and a bad mother? I used to push away the offers of help too as a new Mum. I feared that by accepting it I would be admitting to how pathetic I perceived I was. I now realise that accepting help is the best thing for all involved.

• as a Mum you can use the help to rest and recuperate
• the baby is happy as long as he/she is fed, safe and warm
• the ‘helper’ feels good because they get the ‘joy’ of the baby and the contentment of giving their support and concern

So why do we shun away from this? Why can’t we view new mother and fatherhood as a time of celebration AND a time for support? Why is asking for and accepting help seen as assign of weakness? Why is poor mental health viewed as ‘not coping’ and something to be ashamed of?

Isn’t that where we as a society can ALL play our part?

• I encourage new parents out there to ask for some practical support.
• I encourage their friends and loved ones to offer that support and sometimes ‘just do it’ – e.g. pick up the ironing basket of clothes and say you’ll drop it off the next day all done.
• I encourage new mothers to get peer support so that they can help each other during moments of angst.
• I encourage health professionals to explore services of support in their area, e.g. http://www.home-start.org.uk/
• I encourage people to volunteer their help to such services or to friends, neighbours. For example – ask if a new Mum needs any shopping as you are going.

There is also currently a new mother who has disappeared whilst suffering from postnatal illness.  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10436194/Patients-of-missing-GP-launch-appeal-to-bring-her-home.html  She is a GP – some will speculate that ‘she should know’ what to do and look out for. Health professionals are still prone to illness as the rest of us. I hope and pray she is found safely.

I encourage us all to take active steps and create positive attitudes towards postnatal and all poor mental health aspects. There is a new umbrella organisation too just been formed to improve perinatal care http://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org.uk/ .  I hope we can begin to see improvements in the services provided.

On Tuesday evening I  spoke to ladies at a WI group. I hoped to spread awareness and continue to reduce the stigma associated with poor perinatal mental health.

What can you do today towards this?

Elaine