My Blog

I have just heard that the body of a woman, thought to be Charlotte Bevan, has been found in the Avon gorge. She gave birth to her daughter (as yet also missing), four days ago. She walked out of hospital with her, simply wearing thin clothes and flip flops in near freezing temperatures. I have just read that she was 30 years old; it was her first baby and according to her distraught partner, Charlotte  (pictured here) suffered from schizophrenia and depression.

Of course I do not know all the full details. I do know how upset I am for another tragic death and my heart and prayers go out to her family and friends who must be reeling with the shock, horror and pain of this tragedy.

Why I am so upset for a lady I have never met?  Because I came so close to ending my life as a new mother too. I also went walking in the darkness of a cold December night wearing just a nightdress. I didn’t know where I was going. I just know that my head and mind were in such chaos and confusion, that a walk in the gentle rain made me feel more peaceful. Had geography been different, I too could so easily have become another ‘suicide’ victim. Instead, I was found curled up on a church doorstep – looking for peace of mind. It wasn’t an easy journey for my family and I back to recovery, yet it happened. It IS possible to be given treatment and get better from extreme perinatal mental ill health. And that is one reason why I hurt tonight for Charlotte. I can fully empathise where her mind was – it had ‘gone’. No doubt people will judge her with comments such as ‘she should have counted her blessings’, etc. yet when you wander like that, rational thoughts just aren’t part of it.

When I was walking those cold, wet, streets 18 years ago, did I feel the cold and wet?  No. Did I feel the stones and gravel under my feet? No. Did I think about my gorgeous son and my wonderful family who I would leave behind distraught? No. I did not knowingly want to die – I did want my brain to be switched off. I wanted it to stop so I could rest.

Why am I so upset for a family I have never met? Because I have known the joy that a baby can bring to a family through my sister’s little girl Sophie. I know the pleasure and pride that we all have in having her in our lives. I ‘missed’ my son’s first year by being ill. I love being a mother and count my blessings everyday with the love and life I have had with him since and for the future. Charlotte and her family have had all this snubbed out.

Why am I so upset for her partner whom I do not know? Because I know the pain that sudden death has through losing my partner when he had a heart attack almost four years ago. That intense grief is the worst pain I have ever experienced. Instead of rejoicing in a new baby, they will be planning a funeral.

Why am I so upset for the healthcare professionals whom are involved? Because I have yet to meet one who knowingly wants harm to come to those in their care. I strongly suspect that there will be an inquiry as to why Charlotte and her daughter were able to simply walk out of the hospital. My initial thoughts are why wasn’t she under greater security measures due to her existing history of mental health issues?

It does make me angry at how easily perinatal mental health can be pushed aside by some in society and for the funding of services. Each time one of these deaths hits the headlines, my resolve grows even more to continue to stand up and shout about how devastating these illnesses can be. It is NOT simply a case of a new mother ‘overacting to the pressures of motherhood’, as one GP described me a few days before I went ‘walkabout’. I wonder how they would have felt if my body had been found in bits?

I ask that we all have Charlotte’s family and friends in our thoughts and prayers. Nothing will bring her back. I continue to hope that her daughter is found safely. Just maybe she found a shred of logic to place her somewhere safe.

Yes, maternal deaths are relatively rare, yet for those involved, each one is one too many. Lives are lost and changed forever.

I ask you all to do what you can to improve perinatal mental services wherever you are.

1. Share and shout about how the cost to the public sector is 5 times the cost of improving services (this does not include the priceless personal costs). www.everyonesbusiness.org.uk . Canvass your local MP, GPs, media, etc.

2. If you have recently had a baby and are finding it more difficult than you expected – speak to someone! You can get treatment and get better.

3. As a society, let’s treat mental illness just as importantly as physical ones with parity of esteem and a non-judgemental approach.

PLEASE – let’s stop these deaths.

Very sad tonight

Elaine