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After the technical glitch and burger van situation of the first session, I’m happy to report that the rest of the event to launch ‘Another Twinkle in the Eye – contemplating another pregnancy after perinatal mental illness’, went according to plan!

In writing this book, one of the key messages I learned from parents was that if they had a plan in place for a subsequent pregnancy and postnatal days, it often reduced their anxiety and was not needed to be actioned. Where the mother did become unwell again, the general opinion was that everyone concerned knew what was needed and therefore the impact of the perinatal illness was lessened. I therefore wanted this to be included and invited Katy Moss from a specialist perinatal team in Hull to attend as she had written a piece in my book. She very much wanted to – except she was on her honeymoon! Her colleague Claire Marshall from the same team spoke instead. I feel that pre-conceptual counselling is extremely important for parents considering another pregnancy after previous difficulties. The work they do in Hull supports this. Claire emphasised that ‘every woman and her family is unique and treatment decisions/plans should be too.’

I added that I attend my local Maternity, Children & Young People Strategic Clinical Network as a member of the public to help improve services. Work has been done on devising a perinatal mental health pathway. I am delighted to report that my statement to express how important pre-conceptual counselling is for those at high risk was heard and is now in print! I look forward to it becoming practice. Is there a local SCN that you can be involved with and influence too?  Find yours here.

No event considering the creation of a child could be complete without the Dads! I was so pleased to bring the dynamic duo of Chris Bingley and Mark Williams from Dads Matter UK to the lectern. I have known them both for a number of years now and am so impressed at how much PR and awareness raising they have done to ensure that fathers are also supported for their own mental health and as they support the mother of their child(ren). Every time I hear of the tragic suicide of Joanne Bingley due to postnatal illness and failings in her care, I am re-inspired to keep on doing what I do. Four and a half years ago I lost my partner through a heart attack – it made me appreciate the very real pain of death and loss. Emily Bingley is only a few weeks younger than my niece – as a family we could not begin to think how we would have got on if my sister was no longer alive. Lives have to be saved by making both families and healthcare professionals aware of the ultimate price that is paid if the relevant knowledge and systems are not in place. Save lives so we can save the tears.

Mark’s Welsh lilt (let’s not mention the rugby World Cup!) is always uplifting and laughter punctuates his serious messages. He describes the challenges he faced in coping with the impact of postnatal depression on his wife that ultimately lead to his own mental health challenges.  It is inspiring to hear how he is determined to make a difference to others. There are several chapters in my book that refer specifically to partners. The relationship of the parents was commented upon by many of those who completed my survey for it. In some instances perinatal mental illness brings a couple closer together; for others it may lead to separation and divorce. I would have loved to have included Elly Taylor as part of the day – the flights from Australia would have blown the budget! Have a look at the great work she has done on relationships for parenting. We all look forward to the future development of Dads Matters UK – follow their Tweets at @DadsMatterUK.

Another crucial aspect of becoming a parent that can have significant impact upon mental and physical health is the actual birth. I was told after I had my son that had it been a home-birth or 20 years earlier I would not have survived. One reason I wanted another baby was to have a ‘pleasant birth’ the next time. I wanted an experience to love and cherish – not a traumatic one. I am not alone in that desire. Debby Gould spoke next about planning a better birth experience. I love her approach to this, as written in her book ‘Welcoming baby‘. She encourages us to think about a birth library as opposed to plan so that you can use what feels right at the time and diminishes any sense of failure. Debby beautifully outlined some of the main aspects that can be considered for a subsequent birth.

Following on wonderfully from this was a quick talk by Catherine McClennan who is Improving me – Programme Manager (NHS CCGs working together to improve maternity experiences in Merseyside, Wirral, Warrington and West Lancashire). She reminded delegates of the current National Maternity review and how people can get involved. In this area we have an event on 23rd October for people to have their say. I will be there – will you?

Prior to  lunch we were told the significance of a number of ‘Wet paint – do not touch’ signs around the venue! Mike Coote has been a significant part of my life in the last few years since I was invited to attend a Leadership Retreat at Aldourie Castle near Inverness. Following that I became executive PA for his coaching and leadership company. Many of the skills that he teaches people in business (for example – using positive language) began to have great significance to my work. Communication is paramount to all of us and how we do it can massively impact how we think and behave. Mike’s message to us all today was how negative we tend to be! Our greeting is often ‘not bad’ when asked how we are! He had put the signs up to challenge us into realising that so often we are guilty of negative self-talk and to others – we focus on what we do not want to happen instead of what we do. For example, ‘don’t spill the drink’ as opposed to ‘hold it carefully’. The relevance of this is that in contemplating another pregnancy after a perinatal mental illness everyone involved should be aware of their language – by telling someone ‘not to worry’ they are more likely to! Mike posts great messages on a daily basis through social media – follow him on Twitter @mikecthecoach.

It was then time to eat a very tasty lunch at Hotel Football and network!

… To be continued.

Elaine 🙂

(Thanks to my son Marius Hanzak for all this photographs)