My Blog

It was 20 years ago, on 17^th January 2005, that my first book ‘Eyes without sparkle – a journey through postnatal illness’ was published. It seems appropriate to mark the occasion by reflecting on some of the key changes since then – professionally, personally and also for perinatal mental health.

First book launch January 2005

My original profession had been as a teacher for children with severe and profound learning difficulties. Once my book was published I was invited to speak on television, in the press and at conferences. This did not fit with being a full-time teacher so in the summer of 2005, I took the decision to take a term off as sabbatical leave and have never returned back to a school classroom.

Over the years my speaking career has led to countless opportunities e.g.:

• Television appearances – BBC, ITV, SKY
• Radio interviews – local, national
• Press and magazines – local, national and international
• Events and conferences from small local ones to major international ones, in person and on-line, both as a speaker and as a chairperson. Countries I have visited include Australia, Qatar, Germany, USA.

I have been involved locally (NW England) and nationally in helping to improve and raise awareness of the need for perinatal mental health services, including from within parliament. My passion for education continued with sharing my experiences with students – especially midwives – and also with the Open University Nursing Programme Committee. Being a speaker at a number of international events for the Marce Society with professionals from all over the world has been amazing. Some of the other organisations I have been invited to speak to include Royal College of Midwifery, Royal College of Nursing; Maternity and Midwifery Forum,  Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, Healthcare Conferences UK and Employees Matter

on BBC Breakfast in 2014

As speaking opportunities can be irregular, I have also spent time in sales for Virgin Vie; working in a local coffee shop and in a convenience store. These days I am Executive Assistant to Mike Coote Coaching and I bookkeep for a personality profiling company Flow Labs Consultancy. I am enjoying being semi-retired and having a varied and flexible lifestyle.

Considering when I graduated as a schoolteacher I thought that was my life career path, it is amazing how it changed!

Personally, the last 20 years have been eventful. The same day that my book was published we sold our house, moving to one where I still live. My marriage ended and I continued to travel with all my talks. I learned about the importance of networking – thank you Will Kintish. He introduced me to the Professional Speaking Association (PSA) and I continued to gain more knowledge more about the business.  This led to a new relationship with a fellow speaker, Clive Gott.  In 2011 he suddenly died, aged 52, and I learned more about mental health through grief. My path crossed with Mike Coote who had been a special forces captain and also a religious minister. He needed a Personal Assistant and I needed some more income. The relationship grew beyond business, and we had plans to marry. Then COVID struck us both. Mike was hospitalised. Thankfully we both came through it and had a delightful and small wedding in July 2021.

 Our wedding day, 3rd July 2021

During the last year we have fully embraced being grandparents. Mike has five grandchildren in the UK and seven in South Africa – all of who we spent time with.  We are all currently very concerned about 3 year old Amy who has a critical illness. Then in September my son and his fiancée Star welcomed baby Sanada into the world. They live a few miles away, so we are seeing them regularly. After all the trauma I experienced as a new mother, it is pure joy to see how well they are all doing.

Me with baby Sanada and her Mum Star

My parents, now in their late 80’s still live close by. My Dad is deep into dementia, so we know how precious every day is. His memory and physical stamina are very poor, so we make the most of being ‘in the moment’ with him. Mike and I have the pleasure of  going on holiday with them and still being able to work remotely. Regardless of all his challenges, Dad still loves to have his photo taken.

With Mum and Dad in Stirling, December 2024

My sister is married and lives locally with their 14-year-old daughter. My brother lives with my parents from time to time in between teaching in exotic parts of the world! Family remains an important part of my life.

My family on Christmas Day 2024

I also still have great friends that are still part of my life from ‘the book’ days and before. Over the years I have made new friends too, some as a direct result of me sharing my experiences. I am very blessed.

  My two best friends, Sue and Sue, on my 60th birthday in 2023.

The original aim of sharing my story of postnatal illness (depression and puerperal psychosis) was to give others hope and also to help reduce the stigma around mental illness. Part of the reason I became so ill was my reluctance to ask for help and to feel guilt and shame in needing psychiatric care. In the last 20 years, it is incredible how much more awareness, information and resources are in the public eye. I know when I first started to speak out about it, I was almost a novelty. I felt that some of the business speakers felt my topic was too ‘fluffy’ and not really something that the working world needed to hear. What an incredible change in that! Mental health and wellbeing in the workplace are now commonplace.

Royal College of Midwives Conference

In the early days of my book being published, the resources and facilities for mental health in new mothers was very slim. The need was emerging, and I was delighted to raise awareness on many platforms. As an author and speaker, one of the greatest comments to hear is ‘you made me think’.  Bit by bit the interest, demand and investment in perinatal mental health grew. In the early days of the Maternal Mental Health Alliance, an economic review was published including a map of areas in the UK that had the recommended services or not. Initially very few areas of the country were ‘green’ and a buzz and drive to move from out of the poorly resourced ‘red’ areas began. The growth has been incredible. Even the word ‘perinatal’ wasn’t used 20 years ago. There was no real acknowledgement of the mental health issues during pregnancy, as we do now have. We also have services and resources that consider the mental health of fathers and same sex couples. I am aware of the continuing need for even more services and resources – and I am so proud of how far they have come in 20 years.

With Mark Williams, one of the pioneers in highlighting the need for paternal mental health services

My more recent talk has been around the lifelong effects of the perinatal period. As I get older I realise how the impact can still be felt, for example, around relationships, loss, adding to the family and menopause. I shout out to the researchers to join the dots across the lifespan. Perhaps if we can identify some of the links, we can find ways to reduce mental illness? If you have an event coming up that you would be interested in me talking about, please let me know.

I am often asked if it was worthwhile writing my first book. Did it make me financially rich? Not at all – quite the opposite, with an irregular income meaning I have had to take on other jobs as well. Yet in the vast majority of instances, I would say categorically YES. I am humbled and grateful for all of the opportunities and the very exciting life it has afforded me. I have met some incredible people and been so touched when they have shared their stories with me. As an author of a very personal book, my readers have felt that my openness and vulnerabilities have allowed them to be so with me. The one word that stands out for me is IMPACT. The publication of my book has certainly impacted my life. The one aspect I never imagined it could have would be to give some people the motivation to keep on living. When an extreme mental illness steals your rational thought, you can look to end the pain by taking your own life. The fact that I have been told by a number of people that reading my story convinced them to get well rather than take their life, is the most incredible and satisfying feeling. I am also thrilled by the people who have told me that my book motivated them to specialise in perinatal mental health.

As a writer and speaker, you never know the impact or ripple effect that you are going to have. I am so pleased when I get a message from someone who takes the time to tell me how they were able to change their life or those in their care for the better because of something I wrote or said. Little did they know that they then inspired me.

Thank you to all those who have been part of my story. I look forward to the next 20 years.

Elaine 🙂