My Blog

As the two year anniversary of Clive Gott’s death is upon us, it was good to see at least two mentions of him on Facebook in recent days.

Pennie wrote ‘Been feeling overwhelmed by work and feeling stuck.. then remembered my friend Clive Gott who used to say ‘motion creates emotion’ which made me smile again and take action! He’d love that he is giving people like me a kick up the backside, even when he is no longer on the planet 🙂’

I am sure she is not alone in thinking of him.  I too often am reminded of some of his pearls of wisdom.  Only a few days ago when I woke unusually with the thought ‘I really don’t feel like getting up’, I thought of him saying ‘when you don’t feel like doing anything, just do something’. I did.

Often when someone dies we say that they will ‘never be forgotten’. Amongst my new learnings, I now realise that it is usually better to use positive terms as opposed to saying the negative – say what you do want. Looking at Clive that way, he will ‘always be remembered’.

How many of us still refer to his sayings? How many of us look up in the sky and see a vapour trail and think of him?

Another message came via Facebook to Kate Butler and me from James Waggott:-

‘I wanted to share something with you which has made me think of you both.

I met Clive many years ago when he was running ‘Lighthouse’.

I was then reintroduced to him after an associate and friend of mine saw him speak at Venturefest in York and suggested I contact him as I was finding myself increasingly invited to speak at various events on an enterprise/inspiration platform.

I approached Clive and asked him to mentor me in my speaking career and he kindly agreed. We met on a few occasions and at one of his Abundance Saturday meetings (where I met you Kate).

Kate called me when Clive died and I attended the ceremony in Leeds.

The point is that I have just been invited to speak at Venturefest in 2014, essentially covering the same position that Clive had.

Things have come full circle of sorts and I’m immensely proud to have earned my place on the same stage as my mentor once had. I will be dedicating it to him on the day.

I just wanted to share this goal achievement with you two.’  http://www.jameswaggott.com

Well done to James!

Clive would have been first in the queue to say that not everything he did in his life was a good choice or behaviour.  Of course, when someone is no longer with us, there is the tendency to remember all the good that they had brought to the world. I also know that as a speaker and writer, we make ourselves open to comments and criticism. Another of his sayings was that ‘what anyone else thinks of you is none of your business’. This also came to be relevant last week for me. Through my website comments I received a less than favourable comment from a reader. I love to get feedback – even if it might not be initially positive.  I could have deleted it. Instead I decided to reply;  the e-mail address was not recognised. I therefore had to make it public. See my comments on my blog at http://www.hanzak.com/2012/11/when-will-the-true-extent-and-impact-of-poor-maternal-mental-health-be-realised.html  if you would like to read it.

Clive would often say to me and others, that if they felt they were the brunt of criticism, it was usually more about them than you and ‘deal with it, get over it and move on’.

He had an amazing laugh and I defy anyone not to smile when he was on form. His sense of humour along with his many words of kindly-meant advice and inspiration were his strength. Sadly his body proved to be his ultimate weakness.

Many times I heard him say from a speaking platform that he was having an amazing day – he had ‘woken up’, which was more than some people had done. I learned that lesson (the hard way in losing him so suddenly) of just how true that statement is.  How many of us moan and groan that life is such a struggle? That ‘this and that’ is wrong? If only ‘such and such’ was better? So often we miss what we do have NOW.

I would say that my biggest learning through Clive’s life and death IS to make the most of everyday. To make the most of this amazing planet we live on – even the snow, wind and grey skies have their beauty and purpose. To make the most of what we DO have rather than wasting thought and energy on pining for what we want or are unable to have. To make the best of relationships, situations, finances, etc. that we DO have rather than cause unhappiness for ourselves and others.

I also have really learned that change is inevitable. I have always loved children and they are a great example of this. My son and niece are a continual joy to me. Yet the person they were yesterday is now gone. Next time I see Marius (as he now wishes to be called) he has changed or grown in some way. Sophie, who has just turned 3, can change by the minute as she discovers the joys of life. None of us can hold time back. As I approach my 50^th birthday this summer and compare the photos of me 10 years ago, there are more wrinkles and pounds! Time and life moves on.  Clive had also realised this which was why his last book (ironically) was called ‘It’s not your time, it’s the time you have’.

I was truly devastated when he died. Along with him, all my hopes and dreams of ‘our’ future died. My life changed the second he took his final breath.  We both added to each others’ lives in many ways and I still think of him often. People talk of legacy – what you leave behind when you are no longer here.

One of the reasons I loved Clive was because we enjoyed life together. We had fun. There were times of stress and worry too.  The line in the Gladys Knight song ‘The Way We Were’ – ‘It’s the laughter that we’ll remember’ springs to mind.

I am truly happy again; I love having all my family around me; My new home has become a very warm and sociable one for us all. My relationship goes from strength to strength and the future looks very exciting. My speaking career has never been better (so far!).  Other life and career opportunities keep cropping up and I keep exploring them.

I could also write a list of what could be better – there are things that we all would like to be.  I had to begin to adapt to the changes in my life due to Clive’s death. Maybe some things I could have done differently. What matters to me is that I DO wake up each day grateful to be alive and determined to make the most of each day for myself and those around me.  I have many blessings and I do count them.

I do ‘remember the way we were’. I am grateful for the time I did have with Clive. He was an incredible man. I am grateful for the lessons he taught me and one was to continue to enjoy ‘now’ and create new memories of love and laughter in the future.

Adding to my own knowledge and continuing to learn and develop reminds me of another of Clive’s sayings that ‘each day is a day at school’. I may not be a teacher in a classroom any more, yet I hope that by sharing my lessons in life, they help someone in some way.

Thank you again to Pennie and James for writing about Clive – long may his words motivate others.

So, what will you do today that you feel inspired to do?

Elaine

P.S. On today of all days I have just had the news that my publishers WILL publish my next book!