My Blog

A holiday often implies luxury. Well mine on Thursday started with several. Waking up in the same house as my son and nephew is a treat; so was a leisurely start to the day at our cottage on loan in Flamborough.

A totally blue sky and being able to put on shorts and a T-shirt without shivering was fun too!

I decided to walk to the local shop for some breakfast treats. Every single person I passed had a cheery smile this morning! How lovely that felt!

I bought some food in the Co-op but then got my luxury item in the newsagents – a newspaper! I remembered how friendly the owner was there last year and I wanted to support the local trade. Clive would do that at home in Tadcaster. It was the same lady and we had a chat about teenagers on Social Media and the weather. I learnt a new word – ‘it’s baftin’ out there’. Think it means hot!

I walked back to the boys with more smiles en route. I felt relaxed and as happy as I have in ages.

As the boys sorted their breakfast I sat in the sunshine reading the newspaper. Since Clive died I have hardly been aware of the news. Mainly I haven’t had the time or inclination but also I avoid it because it is all so gloomy!

The headlines were about a teenage murderer encouraged by chats on Facebook! Then the inquest of an 8 year old (one of triplets) kicked in the head on a horse ride … and so it went on.

About the only light hearted issue was a dog that can jump high!!

And to think I had considered it a luxury – I will get a glossy mag next time.

The boys finally decided that a day on the beach was wanted. There had been a suggestion to go to Whitby but we changed our minds. They had discovered an inflatable dinghy and wanted to try it out. I packed us a picnic and we walked the 20 minutes to North Landing.

Have dinghy – will travel!

Dom

Brendan

The beach was the busiest I had ever seen it. There were even fishing trips and boat excursions from the bay today.

We had our picnic and the boys went off to play in the boat. It reminded me of summers in Mallorca when Dom was much younger. We’d had some happy holidays there.

I contented myself reading more of the paper. I enjoyed an article on teenager girls and their 40 something Mums sharing clothes!

An article on a family having their Grandma with Alzheimer’s living with them brought back memories of mine. She too would keep asking ‘where am I?’. We had even taken her to Mallorca where she kept asking the same thing. We told her she had got there on an aeroplane, when she’d asked, to which she replied ‘ooh. I didn’t notice’. Bless her.

She and Grandpa would not have liked seeing me as upset as I have been in these months. I was with Grandpa as he died and Grandma minutes after she did. I was close to them both and they left a void that has never been filled. I still think of them several times a day.  Their deaths were expected through illness and age. Both suffered too and in the end relief for their sakes eased the pain of loss. Clive’s death in comparison was unexpected and too young.

Next was an article about Liam Neeson who now has a new girlfriend following the death of his beloved wife after a tragic accident. The article discussed the issue of when to ‘move on’ after the loss of a soul mate. Read it here

The gist is to ignore comments and do what and when you feel is right!

That’s okay then. In recent weeks I have had instances when I would have liked some attention in some way but it wasn’t forthcoming – and on the other hand have been offered some fuss and I didn’t want it!

Guess neither the time or the company are right yet!

Where I am feeling so much love and support is from mine and Clive’s closest family and a widening circle of friends. It was good to spend time with a new friend last week who is very content in her single status.

I have much to rebuild and regrow about myself first so I shall focus on that.

I did find it interesting in the article though which said those who had lost a good relationship went on to find a new partner quicker then those who had lost a poor one.

Mine was still in the honeymoon phase and I have learnt what is possible and how I deserve to be treated! The standard is set!

I do have a very special man in my life – my son! It was wonderful to be watching him play on the beach. He even got Brendan to bury him in the sand – an old favourite of his!

There was a small boy and his Dad sitting next to us. They amused themselves in a variety of beach ways. One repertoire was with a small rugby ball and the Dad shouted ‘pass like a Bradford Bull’! I knew that was a rugby league team. Then they got more technical – ‘kick like Kevin Sinfield’ (one of Leeds Rhinos players). They looked stunned when I added ‘dodge like Robbie Burrows’!

Noooo – it wasn’t my feeble attempt at a chat up line! I was just chuffed I knew what and who they were on about!

The hours drifted by and by late afternoon I followed the boat being carried back down the road to the cottage. More smiles.

I enjoyed making the meal again and we had another relaxed evening watching a film ‘Pursuit of happyness’  and shared it with umpteen other teenagers via Facebook! Will Smith plays a father doing his utmost to build a better life for his son and himself. By tenacity and determination he succeeds.

I will do so for Dom and myself.

As I snuggled in bed that night I realised that I’d had a tear free day for the first time in a little while. That’s better!

So how can you improve your day and make it better for others?

1. Smile at someone you don’t know!

2. Support your local shop(P.S. It’s my birthday tomorrow, 4th August – anyone any tips on my best way to ‘get through’ without Clive in it? I will be with Dom)