My Blog

I have just updated my events page and smiled at a description a company have given of me as being ‘motivational’. I smiled because over the last week I have needed to apply my tips on how to remain cheerful when you feel that everything is going against you – to myself! In sharing that I sometimes fall off my perch of positivity, my aim is to make you smile and possibly reflect on where you are right now.

My main wobble arose because the domain name renewal on my website and email expired last Thursday. Foolishly I had not put a reminder in my diary about it. The glitch meant it all just ‘vanished’ and I allowed my mind to wander down many negative routes! Firstly was the dismay at having no emails.
Over the weekend that was okay because I had a lovely night away in Southport meeting up with college friends from 30 years ago. We all commented that we now mostly have children who are older now than we were when we first met. No emails meant I could certainly do what I suggest to others – ‘be with’ whom you are with, rather than eyes on your phone!

Once Monday arrived I began to panic about ‘all’ the people who might be sending me messages to ‘nowhere’. My partner often accuses me of exaggeration – and he is right. My expressions and comments implied that the whole world was attempting to get in touch with me!  I consoled myself by putting messages on Social Media that I could still be contacted that way. It wasn’t arrogance of my own importance that bothered me – it was just in case someone needed my help. In my new book I describe my ‘supermarket moment’ that every now and then I question my role in perinatal mental health and contemplate going to work on a checkout! My lack of email for a few days prompted this thought too!

I then saw the release of a report by the Royal College of Nursing that stated that 2 out of 5 parents have mental health challenges around pregnancy and early parenthood. Stigma is one of their reasons for not seeking help. This was an excellent link to my new book and normally I would have contacted the media to say I was happy to comment on this – no website, so no good. I then decided that my martyrdom was ridiculous and I could use my email for the PA role I have and link it to my Social Media sites. I reminded myself that there is always something you CAN do and consequently sent messages out.

As my domain name renewal had been sorted for some reason it was now locked! I made a plan in case it was ‘lost forever’ and established that although emails were lost and I would need a new address, my website was safe on a server and if I chose a new name it could be redirected to it. My sensible, rational self was in control – jockeying for position with the short-tempered one who continued to check her phone every few minutes!

I then nipped out for milk and the handbrake cable snapped in my car! Once again in the world of hyperbole, I wailed to my man that ‘everything is going wrong’! ‘Everything?’ he asked.

For a while now I have noticed a problem with a leak in my attic room. I got a quote from a company earlier in the year who said it would be £3,000 to put right and I needed a new chimney and lots of scaffolding. So I ignored it! The wind and rain has naturally made it worse so I took my head out of the sand and called for more quotes – again expecting a 4 figure number.  On top of that I realised that a squirrel had moved into the eaves and that is why there is often a scratching noise up there!

So woe was me! I have been helping a friend move house recently and I am always upbeat with her; always having a positive re-frame (and probably being annoying to her!).  For once I confess I had a moan to her on Messenger and how ‘everything’ was going wrong. Every few minutes I would check my phone for my website – still nothing than a screen shot saying ‘domain expired’. Just above the message I had typed to my friend was the link to an article I had sent her a week or two ago.  I read it and suggest that you do too here on ‘8 things to remember when everything is going wrong’.

I laughed at myself and went to find my man to let him know I was sorry for being such a grouch. I promised I would put my life back into perspective. With that he took me out for a meal and to see the film ‘Brooklyn‘ – loved it. I also watched this clip and certainly counted my many, many blessings in life.

I attended a very impressive event at Widnes a couple of weeks ago called ‘Improving Me – Improving Maternity Experiences programme launch’. I was very pleased that there were a number of people at this event who had been at my book launch – one of the outcomes of that day was the number of new connections and joint working that has been created as a result. I was so pleased that one of the mums from my event had been asked as a result to speak at this one. Grace (pictured below)  was amongst a number of impressive mothers who spoke of their experiences. I highly recommend her book – ‘Saving Grace’.

There were both heartbreaking and triumphant examples of good and bad births. One of the ladies, Helen Calvert, describes the morning excellently in her blog here. Remembering these situations also helped me put perspective back into my minor irritations that I had allowed to engulf me.

So between support from my partner and parents; deciding to plan for other outcomes and choosing to be grateful for all that is right in my life, in the last 24 hours:-

1. my website and emails are back on line! I have managed to contact a few people who I suspected they had messaged me and they have resent
2. I have been invited to speak in New Zealand
3. my car is being fixed as I type and it is only a couple weeks earlier than I had intended getting it serviced anyway
4. a local roofer has been this morning and evicted the squirrel and repaired my chimney – all for £150.

See – I told you that nothing is worth getting upset about!!

I often say to people who are feeling down to remember that it means an up might be closer than you think….

Can squirrels sing?!

Elaine 🙂